Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

The Artisan, by Dyal Bailey


The Artisan, by Dyal Bailey
Warning: This thriller novel is filled with instances of dark and irreverent humor and purposefully pokes fun at things that are generally taken seriously.

Also, if you are someone who might be offended by an asexual, Machiavellian villain or a charming, metrosexual, serial-killer-like assassin, this is definitely not the best book for you.

On the other hand, if you crave intricately woven plots with humor, mystery, and suspense at their best, a kindle and paperback thriller book with 2014 panache, and over-the-top mystery, then you will love this newly released thriller by one of the most unique debut novelists of all time.

Here are the main players in our deliciously deadly game:

Dr. Rafaela Ramos - She's beautiful. She's the CIA's biochemical assassin. She thinks she’s untouchable.
Antonio Peloso - He's as bushy and hair-sprinkled as he is eccentric. Will his brilliant mind and Werther algorithm trap the much sought after Rafaela at last?
Gunter - The camera loves him almost as much as he nurtures and adores his razor sharp knives. Resplendently dressed in carefully sewn sequins, he pirouettes on video over his awestruck victims, while paving the way for Antonio's diabolical plan.

The Story:

Beautiful biochemical assassin, Rafaela, works for the CIA making untraceable hits, wherein she infects targets with viruses that cause "natural" deaths. Burnt out, she decides to take a few days off to help a fellow scientist do the more meaningful biochemistry she longs to someday embrace.

Little does she know, her colleague is unwittingly being used as bait. His request for her help is step one in luring her straight into a deadly web. And although she thinks she's impervious to being made vulnerable in any way, she arrives on her seemingly innocuous vacation and soon falls in love! By the time she realizes this strike of Cupid's arrow is part two in the evil design of her sadistic nemesis—it's already too late.

An Excerpt:

Scanning her peripheral, Rafaela shook his hand with a firm grip.

"I'm Dickinson."

"Of course you are," she answered flatly. She watched his short, jerky movements as he popped several peppermints into his mouth. With a wandering gaze, she followed him outside to a cluster of trees. "What seems to be the problem? The ambassador is dead, isn’t he?" She picked at a piece of lint on her sleeve.

"Yes, but the virus spread to our man, the chauffeur, and he hasn’t stopped vomiting." Clumsily, he crammed the roll of mints back into the pocket of his understated, navy blazer.

She ran her thumb across one of the fingers on her left hand and studied her manicure. “Are you actually concerned that he’s going to die?”

His voice wavered. “No, no. Of course not. You are very good at what you do.”

“Then what seems to be the problem?” She took aim and kicked a tree root with her heel. She would have liked to kick the man in the teeth.

“Mr. Bailey would like to know why your little experiments have to be so remarkably contagious.” He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right.

“He didn't mind them being contagious when they sterilized that family of terrorists.” She moved in his direction.

Sensing her aggression, he took a nervous step away. “Mr. Bailey is not ungrateful, Doctor.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Anything else?” She continued to stare at him with piercing eyes.

Dickinson fumbled to pull out another mint. “Yes.”

About the Author
Dyal Bailey
Three-year-old Dyal Bailey was sent home early from pre-school for reading aloud the picture book "How Babies Are Made" to her formerly uninformed classmates. This seemed to confirm her suspicion that books were powerful and reading them would give her access to that power.

As a teenager, she consumed two to three large bags of books every week, and although her mother supported her habit, Dyal was often in trouble for not answering her call to dinner. So consumed by what she was reading, the book had to be physically yanked from her hands before she would become alert and return to reality.

Having gobbled up books in every genre by the time she was a freshman at the University of Florida, she decided to sign up for a writing class. Sadly, her grandmother died and the funeral caused her to miss her first two classes. When she did appear, her professor had apparently experienced far too many dead grandmothers, and kicked her out of the class. But, as providence would have it, a sister in her (newly pledged) Chi Omega sorority saw Dyal crying in the hallway, and sent her to the university's Greek advisor for reassurance and class reassignment.

The advisor couldn't squeeze her into another writing class, but he did approve her transfer into "Opera Appreciation" with an older, yet enthusiastic professor. After the first notes of Bizet's Toreador Song came throbbing from his over-used speakers, she was hooked for life. Although she never did make it back into a college writing class, she continued to scribble her mental ramblings onto a plethora of notebooks.

It wasn't until the birth of the first son that she decided to take up writing seriously. Rather than sit in a classroom, she read forty-two books on creative writing and subscribed to Writer's Digest magazine. An encouraging article in that first issue suggested a good place to begin was by writing for trade and business magazines. This sounded wonderful.

She and her husband had for many years owned a successful restaurant, so she sat down and in a few hours wrote an article called "What Makes a Great Bartender". With little hope, but great alacrity, she sent it off to three different magazines.

And they all said yes!

Her writing journey continued from journalism to editing a newspaper, completing two novels, writing a humor column, publishing a humor book, and finally, screenwriting.

Soon discerning the chaff from the grain in that industry, she discovered Craig Kellem, script consultant extraordinaire. Craig and his daughter Judy Kellem taught Dyal how to master the screenplay form. She wrote three award-winning scripts in a year and a half.

Then something kept bugging her about one of her thriller screenplays. There were problems in the plot, but she couldn't sort them out for herself. Thankfully, she'd become friends with producer and screenwriter Paul J. Salamoff in Hollywood and asked him to help her out. He did and the finished product was amazing.

But Paul wasn't satisfied.

Calling her one day, he said, "This needs to be a novel. It reads like a novel. There's just so much there. And your title isn't quite right."

Dyal agreed.

So Paul came up with the new name "The Artisan" and six months later, the first book in Dyal's Artistic Assassin Series was completed and published.

Dyal and her husband Craig (with the five of their seven children who are still at home) live on Thurmond Lake near Augusta, Georgia. When she isn't handling the marketing for their two oyster bars, she enjoys traveling abroad, and reading anything and everything on her Kindle.

For More Info
Website

BUY THE BOOK
Amazon

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A Thousand Tiny Failures: Memoirs of a Pickup Artist, by Tony D


A Thousand Tiny Failures: Memoirs of a Pickup Artist, by Tony D
Sebastian had man-boobs, and life was a bummer...until he got surgery and discovered an online community of Pickup Artists. Moving to Montreal, he stumbles into a world of parties, sex, drugs, and drama - only to emerge with a new, but questionable understanding of himself, women, and the human condition.

What compels a man to relentlessly flirt for sport, and at what cost?

Part instruction manual, part hipster-Unicorn sexual adventure story, A Thousand Tiny Failures is a hilarious and insightful novel, for men who want to improve, and women who want to understand.

***Contains adult content***

About the Author
Tony D
Tony was created in 1978 when his father inseminated his mother in an undisclosed location in Canada. He then published his first book, "A Thousand Tiny Failures - Memoirs of a Pickup Artist," and then a short self-help book, "I Hope it's Sunny Out - A Guide For Meeting Girls in the Day Time."

That's it. Nothing else happened.

Tony likes guitars, travel, reading, flirting, writing, and smart people.

He currently lives in Vancouver BC and travels extensively as a dating coach for his company, AbsoluteAbility.com

For More Info
Website | Twitter

BUY THE BOOK
Amazon

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The Artisan: An Artistic Assassin Thriller, by Dyal Bailey


Warning: This thriller novel is filled with instances of dark and irreverent humor and purposefully pokes fun at things that are generally taken seriously.

Also, if you are someone who might be offended by an asexual, Machiavellian villain or a charming, metrosexual, serial-killer-like assassin, this is definitely not the best book for you.

On the other hand, if you crave intricately woven plots with humor, mystery, and suspense at their best, a kindle and paperback thriller book with 2014 panache, and over-the-top mystery, then you will love this newly released thriller by one of the most unique debut novelists of all time.

Here are the main players in our deliciously deadly game:

Dr. Rafaela Ramos - She's beautiful. She's the CIA's biochemical assassin. She thinks she’s untouchable.
Antonio Peloso - He's as bushy and hair-sprinkled as he is eccentric. Will his brilliant mind and Werther algorithm trap the much sought after Rafaela at last?
Gunter - The camera loves him almost as much as he nurtures and adores his razor sharp knives. Resplendently dressed in carefully sewn sequins, he pirouettes on video over his awestruck victims, while paving the way for Antonio's diabolical plan.

The Story:

Beautiful biochemical assassin, Rafaela, works for the CIA making untraceable hits, wherein she infects targets with viruses that cause "natural" deaths. Burnt out, she decides to take a few days off to help a fellow scientist do the more meaningful biochemistry she longs to someday embrace.

Little does she know, her colleague is unwittingly being used as bait. His request for her help is step one in luring her straight into a deadly web. And although she thinks she's impervious to being made vulnerable in any way, she arrives on her seemingly innocuous vacation and soon falls in love! By the time she realizes this strike of Cupid's arrow is part two in the evil design of her sadistic nemesis—it's already too late.

An Excerpt:

Scanning her peripheral, Rafaela shook his hand with a firm grip.

"I'm Dickinson."

"Of course you are," she answered flatly. She watched his short, jerky movements as he popped several peppermints into his mouth. With a wandering gaze, she followed him outside to a cluster of trees. "What seems to be the problem? The ambassador is dead, isn’t he?" She picked at a piece of lint on her sleeve.

"Yes, but the virus spread to our man, the chauffeur, and he hasn’t stopped vomiting." Clumsily, he crammed the roll of mints back into the pocket of his understated, navy blazer.

She ran her thumb across one of the fingers on her left hand and studied her manicure. “Are you actually concerned that he’s going to die?”

His voice wavered. “No, no. Of course not. You are very good at what you do.”

“Then what seems to be the problem?” She took aim and kicked a tree root with her heel. She would have liked to kick the man in the teeth.

“Mr. Bailey would like to know why your little experiments have to be so remarkably contagious.” He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right.

“He didn't mind them being contagious when they sterilized that family of terrorists.” She moved in his direction.

Sensing her aggression, he took a nervous step away. “Mr. Bailey is not ungrateful, Doctor.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Anything else?” She continued to stare at him with piercing eyes.

Dickinson fumbled to pull out another mint. “Yes.”

About the Author
Three-year-old Dyal Bailey was sent home early from pre-school for reading aloud the picture book "How Babies Are Made" to her formerly uninformed classmates. This seemed to confirm her suspicion that books were powerful and reading them would give her access to that power.

As a teenager, she consumed two to three large bags of books every week, and although her mother supported her habit, Dyal was often in trouble for not answering her call to dinner. So consumed by what she was reading, the book had to be physically yanked from her hands before she would become alert and return to reality.

Having gobbled up books in every genre by the time she was a freshman at the University of Florida, she decided to sign up for a writing class. Sadly, her grandmother died and the funeral caused her to miss her first two classes. When she did appear, her professor had apparently experienced far too many dead grandmothers, and kicked her out of the class. But, as providence would have it, a sister in her (newly pledged) Chi Omega sorority saw Dyal crying in the hallway, and sent her to the university's Greek advisor for reassurance and class reassignment.

The advisor couldn't squeeze her into another writing class, but he did approve her transfer into "Opera Appreciation" with an older, yet enthusiastic professor. After the first notes of Bizet's Toreador Song came throbbing from his over-used speakers, she was hooked for life. Although she never did make it back into a college writing class, she continued to scribble her mental ramblings onto a plethora of notebooks.

It wasn't until the birth of the first son that she decided to take up writing seriously. Rather than sit in a classroom, she read forty-two books on creative writing and subscribed to Writer's Digest magazine. An encouraging article in that first issue suggested a good place to begin was by writing for trade and business magazines. This sounded wonderful.

She and her husband had for many years owned a successful restaurant, so she sat down and in a few hours wrote an article called "What Makes a Great Bartender". With little hope, but great alacrity, she sent it off to three different magazines.

And they all said yes!

Her writing journey continued from journalism to editing a newspaper, completing two novels, writing a humor column, publishing a humor book, and finally, screenwriting.

Soon discerning the chaff from the grain in that industry, she discovered Craig Kellem, script consultant extraordinaire. Craig and his daughter Judy Kellem taught Dyal how to master the screenplay form. She wrote three award-winning scripts in a year and a half.

Then something kept bugging her about one of her thriller screenplays. There were problems in the plot, but she couldn't sort them out for herself. Thankfully, she'd become friends with producer and screenwriter Paul J. Salamoff in Hollywood and asked him to help her out. He did and the finished product was amazing.

But Paul wasn't satisfied.

Calling her one day, he said, "This needs to be a novel. It reads like a novel. There's just so much there. And your title isn't quite right."

Dyal agreed.

So Paul came up with the new name "The Artisan" and six months later, the first book in Dyal's Artistic Assassin Series was completed and published.

Dyal and her husband Craig (with the five of their seven children who are still at home) live on Thurmond Lake near Augusta, Georgia. When she isn't handling the marketing for their two oyster bars, she enjoys traveling abroad, and reading anything and everything on her Kindle.

BUY THE BOOK
Amazon Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Artisan-Artistic-Assassin-Thriller-ebook/dp/B00JPOP7IW

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Kindle Spotlight: Hell Week

Hell Week
By: JT Sawyer

Get ready for a fresh take on the zombie genre when the SEALs fix their crosshairs on the undead and the unsavory. James Enroy, a former Navy SEAL, thinks he is the sole survivor left in L.A. after a bioweapon cripples humanity, turning the infected into pudding-faced zombies. A chance meeting with an old mentor and a young heroine brings the trio into a confrontation with a criminal kingpin who has turned the L.A. Zoo into a gladiator arena, pitting zombies against humans. This short story is the first in a series of post-apocalyptic books. Visit jtsawyer.com for more information.

About the Author:
JT Sawyer is the pen name for the author who makes his living teaching survival courses for the military special operations community, Department of Homeland Security, US Marshals, FAA, and other federal agencies throughout the US. He has over 25 years of experience testing long-term survival skills in the desert, mountains, and forest.

For More Info
Website: http://www.jtsawyer.com

BUY THE BOOK
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Hell-Week-JT-Sawyer-ebook/dp/B00ISASG0A/

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Kindle Spotlight: "The King of Game Trivia"

"The King of Game Trivia"
By: Thuyen Nguyen

Al doesn't know why his cousin Sally would pay for his trip home, but he readily accepts. Little does he know though that she's secretly entered him into the King of Game Trivia Tournament and expects him to score the ten-thousand dollar grand prize. Unprepared for competition, can Al do what it takes to win while keeping sane of Sally's demands at the same time?

THE KING OF GAME TRIVIA is a story by a gamer for gamers. Stuffed with so many references to the world of video games, you'll be lost and confused if you don't know your Nintendo from your Sega. And with actual trivia questions peppered throughout, even hardcore players will be tested and entertained by this fun-filled and unique journey into gaming culture.

BUY THE BOOK 
Amazon: http://amzn.to/1kXCRWs

Preview Spotlight: “Memories of Holly Woode” by Richard Wickliffe

"Memories of Holly Woode"
By: Richard Wickliffe

Old John says Holly Woode was the “Most beautiful woman in the world. Agreed upon on three continents, two islands and by heads of state…” So starts the new novel by Richard Wickliffe (We interviewed Richard Wickliffe in August=>click here).

As the tale begins, old John is waiting for his wife in a psychiatric ward in a town so small it’s “omitted on some roadmaps.” John befriends young Jill Avery, a new hospital employee. As she waits nightly for her husband to pick her up, she relishes old John’s tales of his amusing small-town youth, a sort of “Norman Rockwell” world, and global romance. Jill begins to prefer John’s tales to her own life. As a new mother, her home and marriage have grown strained in their measly new town. But as Jill pursues some of John’s tales, she uncovers the shocking truth about Holly Woode…

“Memories of Holly Woode” may be a challenge to categorize: It is a romantic tale that spans the decades, but it also contains mystery, war, mourning and even thinly-veiled satire of modern home life. The biggest surprise, based on the early promotional information, is the book’s also extremely humorous. As such, the closest story I can compare it to is “Forrest Gump” meets “The Notebook.” –But don’t be fooled, there are twists that I did not foresee, and do indeed change everything.

On a side note, “Holly Woode” is not marketed as any sort of “spiritual” or “”self-help” book for enlightenment. However the conclusion has a unique side effect: It truly made me pause and view my life a little differently, perhaps more optimistically. Also interesting, the novel’s based on a screenplay also written by Mr. Wickliffe. When HBO held a screenplay competition (“Project Greenlight” launched by Ben Affleck,) the screenplay of “Memories of Holly Woode” was a finalist. Knowing this, I do see the cinematic potential for this story. –Who could play the “most beautiful woman” Holly?

We highly recommend “Memories of Holly Woode” for the romantic ladies, and for men who enjoy WWII and fishing with Hemingway, and everyone in between who may like the humor surrounding the pursuit of modern married bliss.

"Memories of Holly Woode, " published by Library Tales Publishing Group, out in time for the holidays, 2013.

*****

For More Information: 

Author Website: www.RichWickliffe.com
New Novel Website: www.MemoriesOfHollyWoode.com

Official Book Video: Dark Chatter, by Andrew Branch



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Synopsis
The boy's answer to Lena Dunham's Girls?

This biting comedy of manners follows an aimless college graduate from underemployment to acidental porn stardom. Along the way, Peter (a.k.a. Quicklime) acquires a knowledge of the American class system and a delicately located tattoo of the words "This Machine Kills Fascists..."

Read Dark Chatter, and never get another woody without thinking of Guthrie.

Read Dark Chatter, and feel better about what you do on the internet:

"When you think about porn in [Supreme Court Justice] Potter Stewart's terms it becomes a generational emblem; "I know it when I see it" is a twenty-something's attitude to planning a career."

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About the Author
Andrew Branch teaches French at Columbia University. Prior to graduate school, he worked at the New York Review of Books. His novel "Dark Chatter" was published by Grappling Book in 2013.




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FOR MORE INFO
Website: http://grappling-book.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/A_R_Branch

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BUY THE BOOK
Amazon: http://amzn.to/10hvOOw